During the actual auditing demonstration, all comments by LRH are written by him on a surface on the table beside him and thrown onto a screen so that the audience can read his remarks. He does not speak to the audience, only to the preclear. He also asked the audience for silence.
We’ll take a quick inventory here and then test perceptics.
LRH: Could you tell me now if you have ever been hypnotized?
PC: Only partially. I was conscious of everything that was going on.
LRH: [to class] I am not invalidating data now, but it so happens that this is classic with people who have been hypnotized. They are always willing to tell you “only partially,” but you will find that blank spots, usually of an aberrative nature, are there. One of our targets will be those moments. Hypnotic series can be picked apart rather easily. The hypnotist uses certain words. Here is a legitimate use of repeater technique.
[to pc] How did he do it?
PC: He couldn’t. He said, “You are not asleep; you can always hear me. You will be in the subconscious. Then you will be in the superconscious and back down to the subconscious.”
LRH: Did you like your father and mother?
PC: (pause)
LRH: Who really took care of you in your life?
PC: Myself a great deal.
LRH: Did you have any aunts?
PC: Yes.
LRH: Uncles?
PC: (pause) I don’t recall.
LRH: How about the aunts? Somebody that meant a great deal to you.
PC: I can’t recall any special relatives.
LRH: (This is not procedure but we need data.) Who is dead?
PC: Father.
LRH: How long ago?
PC: When I was 7.
LRH: Okay. Have you ever had psychotherapy of any kind?
PC: No.
LRH: Any very severe illnesses?
PC: Not to my knowledge.
LRH: How about childhood illnesses? Lots or few?
PC: Very few, most of which I’ve forgotten. I had a tonsillectomy at the age of 5. Bad time.
LRH: Did you have a severe birth?
PC: I don’t really know.
LRH: Nobody tell you?
PC: No.
LRH: Father and mother happy?
PC: I believe so.
LRH: Which was the most controlled person?
PC: I would say my father.
LRH: All right. Now, I would like to know if you have had any operations where they used nitrous oxide?
PC: I am sure I don’t know.
LRH: Gas?
PC: I believe so, but I am not sure. One dentist did that and I could wring his neck!
LRH: All right. Any foreign language?
PC: Studied Spanish. Not natively.
LRH: Let’s find out. After whom were you named?
PC: My mother said my name was given to me because it was not in the family. My first name is from the Bible.
LRH: [to class] Just because we pick out a Junior case as being tough, there are girls who are very often named after Grandmother or Mother or some other relative, and here, too, you find a person’s own name in the prenatal bank. It is very important to inquire along this line.
[to pc] All right. Why don’t you lie down on the couch.
PC: Okay.
Now, I am just going to follow the Standard Procedure here. I call your attention to the fact that this lady is not lying in a “coffin case” position. A severe shock over a death, identification with the person dead, will cause a person to lie with his arms crossed over his chest. Such a case is normally stuck on the time track by a grief charge, and one has to find out where it was. In one case I had the preclear repeat the word coffin. (We were right in the area of it.) Pretty soon he saw a giant, 16 feet long, lying in a coffin. It was a grandparent and he was a little boy being held up to look in the coffin and he was able to run off the grief charge and shock.
LRH: Shut your eyes. Anything I say to you when you are lying here will be canceled when I say the word canceled. Okay?
PC: Yes.
LRH: Now let’s go back to when you were eating dinner last night.
PC: Okay.
LRH: What color was the plate?
PC: Tan.
LRH: Feel that fork, and take a bite.
PC: Pork chops.
LRH: Feel the fork in your hand and take a bite of it. Take a bite and taste it. Can you?
PC: (mutters inaudibly)
LRH: Who is there? Who is talking?
PC: My husband.
LRH: What is he saying?
PC: What shall we order?”
LRH: Now, is this before you start to eat?
PC: Yes, that was before.
LRH: What next do you hear, just as you are taking a bite?
PC: Somebody banged a dish.
LRH: Let’s see if we can contact this moment.
PC: It’s very noisy.
LRH: All right. What are you talking about?
PC: The dinner.
LRH: Taste that pork again. (I keep her in the incident.) Let’s pick up a moment when something is said.
PC: Don’t you want to sit by the window? Won’t you change places, please? “We didn’t change places.
LRH: (We have tested her visio; tactile?) How does the chair feel under you?
PC: The back is wooden and it is too straight. It makes me sit up too straight.
LRH: (Kinesthetic.) Can you feel yourself sitting there?
PC: Yes.
LRH: Okay. Let’s go back to the time you saw your first movie. (Sonic?) First movie. Are you there? Let’s take a look at it. Give me a flash reply: Name of the movie actor? (snap!) What name flashed?
PC: Reginald Owen.
LRH: All right. What’s the movie? Let’s take a look at the movie. (File clerk seems slow.) What’s the name of the movie?
PC: Seems to be Time After Time.
LRH: Let’s take a look. How does the seat feel?
PC: It’s wood and it’s not very comfortable.
LRH: Let’s take a look at the screen. Let’s take a look at the subtitle.
PC: Seems like it’s not very clear.
LRH: Is there any music being played there?
PC: Organ.
LRH: How does it sound?
PC: Lovely.
LRH: Who are you with there?
PC: A lady.
LRH: Doyou know who the lady is?
PC: (long pause)
LRH: (Too slow.)
PC: She is about 45. She is wearing a rather old-fashioned hat with a hat pin. Somewhat sharp features.
LRH: What is her name?
PC: (pause)
LRH: You know her name. Take a look at her.
PC: Jan Scott.
LRH: Friend of yours?
PC: Not a very good friend. I was being taken there to get me out of somebody’s way.
LRH: (Too slow. Ally?) Did she take you there? What is this person’s name? All right. Let’s return to the moment somebody is taking you away. What are they saying to you?
PC: Several voices.
LRH: (She is moving on the track.) Do you hear these voices?
PC: They are mingled in with one another. Hard to distinguish.
LRH: (Voices easy to her.) All right. You know the people from whom these voices are proceeding? (Seems like a lot of “control yourself” here. Very cagey.)
PC: Two women and a man. They are talking at once.
LRH: Two women and a man? Who are these people? Let’s take a look at them.
PC: One is a rather small lady. Kind of a mousy-type lady.
LRH: (A “control yourself” engram.) And what did she say?
PC: “I, don’t know what I’ll do with her while he is here.”
LRH: All right. Let’s go over that again.
PC: “I don’t know what I’ll do with her while he is here. I’ll have to get her out of the way. What can we do with her?”
LRH: (Engram gets between the file clerk and “it”) Continue. What else was said?
PC: The man says, “I know a lady we can get to take her to a show. I can get her to take her to a show.”
LRH: Who are these people? Are they your mother and father?
PC: No.
LRH: Uncle and aunts?
PC: More like servants in charge someplace. Not servants exactly. Perhaps managers. A child’s home in . . .
LRH: (A “control yourself” engram is a sort of auditor installed between the engram bank and the “I”) Are you struck or in any way injured here?
PC: They took hold of my arm a little roughly.
LRH: Let’s see if you can feel that grasp on the arm.
PC: Don’t push me around like that!”
LRH: You yourself say that?
PC: Yes.
LRH: All right. Whatb being said to you while you are being pushed?
PC: The tall lady says, “We don’t mean to hurt you, but you are in the way. “
LRH: (This case is evidently full on. No perceptics shut off.) Let’s go over that again.
PC: I don’t like it. “
LRH: Who is talking to you?
PC: Tall lady.
LRH: What is she saying to you?
PC: “We don’t want to hurt you, but you are in our way. We have to find something to do with you.” The tall lady grasps my arm. She is strong.
LRH: (This is a swell engram lock but I have to reduce it or she might bounce.) Just feel her grasp. Just feel her grasping it. What is she saying?
PC: We don’t want to hurt you, but you are in our way and we have got to find something to do with you. “
LRH: Does anybody say “Get away” or “Go away”?
PC: Don’t hurt me! I don’t like it!”
LRH: Let’s go over it again.
PC: Don’t hurt me! I don’t like it!”
LRH: Go over it again.
PC: “Don’t hurt me! I don’t like it!”
LRH: Go over it again.
PC: “Don’t hurt me! I don’t like it!”
LRH: What is said to you just after that? (Her own words here are aberrative.) Just contact that moment when there’s that grasp on your arm.
PC: This tall lady says, “You are a little nuisance.”
LRH: All right. What happens when that arm is grasped? The instant the arm is grasped, what is said?
PC: “You are a little nuisance,” the tall lady says. “You are in the way.”
LRH: (I am beginning to suspect some dub-in. Heavy control circuits.) Let’s contact the moment the arm is grasped. Let’s feel the arm being grasped.
PC: “Don’t hurt me. I don’t like it. You are making me cry.”
LRH: (Something holds her off this.) Let’s go over it.
PC: “Don’t hurt me; you are making me cry.”
LRH: Go over it again.
PC: “Don’t hurt me; you are making me cry.”
LRH: Go over it again.
PC: (sobs)
LRH: Go over it again.
PC: “Don’t hurt me; you are making me cry.”
LRH: Go over it again.
PC: “Don’t hurt me; you are making me cry .”
LRH: (This is a very minor charge.) Let’s go over it again.
PC: (wailing loudly) “Don’t hurt me; you are making me cry.”
LRH: (She says “Cry.”) PC: (crying)
LRH: Let’s go over it again.
PC: “Don’t hurt me; I don’t like it.”
LRH: Go over it again.
PC: “Don’t hurt me; I don’t like it.”
LRH: (She is revivifying.) Let’s now go to the engram where somebody else is crying like this.
PC: I don’t like you! (crying out loud) I don’t like you.”
LRH: (This is a dramatization in a grief discharge.) Who else is crying?
PC: (pause)
LRH: Who else cried like that?
PC: I seem to hear my mother crying like that.
LRH: And what is she saying when she is crying?
PC: (pause) “I don’t know what I can do about it.”
LRH: Let’s go over that again.
PC: “I don’t know what I can do about it. “
LRH: Do you have any somatic?
PC: I feel very upset.
LRH: All right. What does she say?
PC: (pause)
LRH: Give me a yes or no: Can you contact the engram in which your mother is saying “Don’t hurt me”?
PC: No.
LRH: Let’s return to the moment when somebody had you by the arm. Let’s feel that arm being grabbed. You know what is being said.
PC: “You are a little nuisance. I wish you weren’t here.”
LRH: Can you feel the pain in the arm?
PC: (pause) I think that was just before the pressure.
LRH: What happened?
PC: The man says, “She is a lot of trouble, isn’t she?”
LRH: Let’s go over that again.
PC: “She is a lot of trouble, isn’t she?”
LRH: Go over it again.
PC: “She is a lot of trouble, isn’t she?”
LRH: Again.
PC: “She is a lot of trouble, isn’t she?”
LRH: Give me a yes or no: Does somebody say “Get out”?
PC: (pause) I seem to feel myself between yes and no.
LRH: Bouncer phrase? One-two-three-four-five (snap!).
PC: “Hold me.” I want somebody to hold me on his lap.
LRH: (Sure test of circuits — I ask for a bouncer and get a holder.) Can you get back to the incident? Do you see yourself being grasped by the arm?
PC: Yes.
LRH: Are you inside yourself?
PC: No. I’m about 5.
LRH: Just about 5? (She is in somebody’s valences) Let’s see if you can get into yourself there.
PC: (pause)
LRH: (In her own valence she feels pain and cries. As Mother she dubs in the voices.) Get into yourself there and hear what the people are saying. Can you get inside yourself and get grabbed again?
PC: I was listening to somebody before they grabbed me.
LRH: (In her own valence.) All right. What were you listening to?
PC: “It is unfortunate she has to be here every day,” the lady says. Then, “You are a little nuisance.”
LRH: (The preclear has to be in her own valence before the pain is felt.) Can you see yourself being grabbed?
PC: Combination. First I seem to be looking down.
LRH: Let’s go through it again.
PC: “It is unfortunate she has to be here every day,” the small lady says. Then the tall lady says, “You are a little nuisance. I wish you weren’t here.”
LRH: (Note she is starting to get somatics and perceptics, like sound.) Who says “Control yourself” there?
PC: The man. “Calm yourself, youngster.”
LRH: What does he say?
PC: “Calm yourself, youngster.”
LRH: Let’s go over it again.
PC: “Calm yourself, youngster.”
LRH: Go over it again.
PC: “Calm yourself, youngster.”
LRH: What else does he say? Just be inside yourself while he says this.
PC: “It is not so bad as you think.”
LRH: Let’s go over it again.
PC: “It is not so bad as you think.”
LRH: Go over it again.
PC: “It is not so bad as you think.”
LRH: Go over that again.
PC: “It is not so bad as you think.”
LRH: Go over it again.
PC: “It is not so bad as you think.”
LRH: Let’s go over it again.
PC: “It is not so bad as you think.”
LRH: Contact the next phrase.
PC: He is standing with a cigarette in his hand like it doesn’t mean much to him.
LRH: (She is repeating what she said before.) Let’s listen to him say it now.
PC: I don’t like him.
LRH: Let’s go over it again.
PC: I don’t like him. He doesn’t care a thing about me.
LRH: Let’s go over that phrase again.
PC: “Control yourself. It is not as bad as you think.”
LRH: (Watch the emotion build up.)
PC: “Calm yourself, youngster. It is not as bad as you think. It will all come out in the wash.”
LRH: (Last one is a valence shifter.) Are you inside yourself yet?
PC: (mutters inaudibly)
LRH: All right. Let’s go over it again.
PC: He has kind of shifty eyes.
LRH: And what is he saying?
PC: “Control yourself, youngster. It is not as bad as you think.”
LRH: What are you doing while he is talking to you?
PC: I’m looking down at my feet.
LRH: Let’s go over it again.
PC: “Control yourself, youngster.” I just don’t like him; he is making fun of me.
LRH: (Agitation of the feet shows the preclear is in the engram and in own valence.) Are you crying?
PC: Very close to tears.
LRH: Can you feel like that now? Take a look at him.
PC: (crying) I don’t like people who make fun of me.
LRH: Let’s look at him and go over it again.
PC: “Control yourself, youngster.”
LRH: Go over it again.
PC: “Control yourself, youngster.”
LRH: Go over it again.
PC: “Control yourself, youngster.”
LRH: How do you feel?
PC: He is not important. I don’t pay any attention to him. That’s what I am thinking; what I feel.
LRH: Did somebody mention this to you? Somebody say “Don’t pay any attention to him”?
PC: (pause)
LRH: How long after is this from the time you are grabbed by the arm?
PC: (mutters)
LRH: All right. Let’s go over that “Control yourself.” (This is only light stuff. We should reduce it, though.) Let’s go over it again.
PC: Control yourself, youngster. It is not as bad as you think. Control yourself, youngster. It is not as bad as you think. Control yourself, youngster. It is not as bad as you think.
LRH: Let’s go back to the moment you are being grabbed by the arm. Are you inside yourself, or outside yourself?
PC: I am mostly inside.
LRH: How much is outside?
PC: Seems like very little. I keep thinking of my head.
LRH: What about your head? Who grabbed you there?
PC: The tall lady.
LRH: What did she say to you when she grabbed you? (It might catch her up on the track.) PC: It seems to be gone.
LRH: What did she say to you? “Little nuisance”? Let’s take a look at this lady just at the moment you are grabbed. Pick it up just at the moment you are grabbed. Where you are.
PC: It doesn’t feel very strong.
LRH: What’s said here just as you are being grabbed? Pick it up the moment you are grabbed. What’s being said there?
PC: The lady says, “You are a little nuisance. I wish you weren’t here.”
LRH: Let’s go over it again.
PC: You are a little nuisance. I wish you weren’t here. You are a little nuisance. I wish you weren’t here. You are a little nuisance. I wish you weren’t here. “
LRH: Let’s look at it a moment. What’s happening to you at the moment it is being said?
PC: The tall lady looks at me very crossly.
LRH: (She keeps drifting out. Must be another bouncer here. “Get out.”)
PC: Somebody puts a hand on my arm.
LRH: What’s being said? The first word in the incident will flash.
PC: “Hold me.”
LRH: Again.
PC: “Hold me.”
LRH: Go over it again.
PC: “Hold me.”
LRH: Again.
PC: “Hold me.”
LRH: Who is saying it?
PC: I am.
LRH: To whom are you saying it?
PC: I want the man to hold me on his lap.
LRH: Who is the man?
PC: (pause)
LRH: His name will flash in your mind. (snap!)
PC: George Fisher.
LRH: Is he your uncle?
PC: No. He is no relation, no particular friend; but I am lonesome.
LRH: Does he say “Get away”?
PC: (pause)
LRH: What does he say?
PC: “Get away; I can’t be bothered with you.”
LRH: Go over it again.
PC: “Get away; I can’t be bothered with you.”
LRH: Go over it again.
PC: “Get away; I can’t be bothered with you.”
LRH: Go over it again.
PC: “Get away; I can’t be bothered with you.”
LRH: Go over it again.
PC: “Get away; I can’t be bothered with you.”
LRH: Where are you standing?
PC: Did you say where?
LRH: Yes. Where are you standing when he says this?
PC: A couple of feet from him.
LRH: (She keeps coming out of valence. It may be this phrase.) Go over it again.
PC: “Go away; I can’t be bothered with you.”
LRH: Go over it again.
PC: “Go away; I can’t be bothered with you.”
LRH: Go over it again.
PC: “Go away; I can’t be bothered with you.”
LRH: Go over it again.
PC: “Go away; I can’t be bothered with you.”
LRH: Pick up his voice. How do you feel standing there?
PC: I feel very anxious to have him hold me. I am lonesome.
LRH: (“Go away” will solve it.) Did somebody just shake you? (This whole area is very confused to her.)
PC: I have trouble deciding whether it happened before or after the shake.
LRH: Contact the moment she grabs you by the arm.
PC: The lady says, “You are a little nuisance. I wish you weren’t here.” It hurts my shins.
LRH: Let’s contact the first part of this. Go to the beginning of this.
PC: I am sitting on the floor playing with something.
LRH: Can you see what you are playing with? Are you outside yourself?
PC: I am sitting in a stooped position. Some kind of car. I run to him. I say, “I am lonesome.” He says, “I can’t be bothered with you.”
LRH: (We at least have her less exteriorized.) What does he say?
PC: “I have more important things to do.”
LRH: Let’s go over it again.
PC: “I can’t be bothered with you I have more important things to do.”
LRH: Let’s go over it again.
PC: “I can’t be bothered with you I have more important things to do.”
LRH: Go over it again.
PC: “I can’t be bothered with you I have more important things to do.”
LRH: How does he sound when he says it? (This is a strange case.) Who is this man?
PC: Somebody who comes in once in a while. They seem to be workers in the place.
LRH: (She has not identified these people.) Where are your parents?
PC: My mother is a nurse.
LRH: Does she work here?
PC: No.
LRH: Is this a place you are cared for in the daytime?
PC: Yes.
LRH: How long did they take care of you? When I snap my fingers a number will flash into your mind. (snap!) PC: Four months.
LRH: Yes or no: Have you ever recalled this place before?
PC: No.
LRH: Do you recognize it now?
PC: I can see the room but I can’t consciously recall it.
LRH: Did anyone tell you to forget this place? Yes or no. (snap!)
PC: Yes. But they didn’t mean the place as much as something I might see.
LRH: Did your father die here?
PC: No.
LRH: Did anybody die here?
PC: Yes.
LRH: All right. Who died here?
PC: A little boy.
LRH: The boy’s name will flash into your mind.
PC: Peter.
LRH: Let’s take a look at Peter. Go to a moment and take a look at Peter.
PC: He is awfully sick.
LRH: Where is he lying?
PC: In a hospital bed.
LRH: Let’s go to the moment of death. Does he die?
PC: (pause)
LRH: Does he die? (Grief and “control yourself.”) Does anybody say he is dead?
PC: I thought he died; but they took him away, a little girl told me.
LRH: What did she say?
PC: “They took Peter away last night. I think he is dead.”
LRH: Let’s go over that.
PC: “They took Peter away last night. I think he is dead.”
LRH: Again.
PC: “They took Peter away last night. I think he is dead.”
LRH: How did the little girl look? (Wriggling toes; in the engram.) What kind of dress?
PC: Blue checks.
LRH: What did she say?
PC: “They took Peter away last night. I think he is dead. They took Peter. . .”
LRH: (Heavy breathing; grief.) Go over that again.
PC: “They took Peter away last night. I think he is dead.”
LRH: (Grief charge here.) How do you feel?
PC: I don’t feel good right here.
LRH: Go over what she said to you.
PC: “They took Peter away last night. I think he is dead.”
LRH: Go over it again.
PC: “They took Peter away last night. I think he is dead.”
LRH: Go over it again.
PC: “They took Peter away last night. I think he is dead.”
LRH: Look at her. How does her mouth move as she says it?
PC: She has a little bit of a lisp.
LRH: What did she say?
PC: “They took Peter away last night. I think he is dead. They took Peter away last night. I think he is dead. They took Peter away last night. I think he is dead. “
LRH: Who else tells you he is dead?
PC: No one.
LRH: Who is Peter?
PC: He is my little friend. I played with him.
LRH: Who told you not to cry?
PC: One of the nurses.
LRH: What did she say to you?
PC: She says, “Don’t cry.”
LRH: Go over that again.
PC: “Don’t cry; he’s better off that way.”
LRH: Go over it again.
PC: “Don’t cry; he’s better off that way.”
LRH: How does she look when she says it?
PC: She seemed kind.
LRH: (Minor charge.) Go over it again. Are you inside yourself?
PC: “Don’t cry; he’s better off that way.”
LRH: Who tells you he is dead just before that? Are you crying?
PC: Not extra hard. Very confused.
LRH: What does she say?
PC: “Don’t cry. He is better off that way.”
LRH: Let’s imitate her voice. Go over it again.
PC: “Don’t cry; he’s better off that way.”
LRH: (Grief often gets locked up.) When did you go to his funeral? Did you go to his funeral?
PC: I can see a casket right away — but it’s not his funeral.
LRH: (Grief often gets locked up in a heavy “control yourself” case.) Whose funeral is it?
PC: My fathers.
LRH: All right. When did you first hear that your father died?
PC: My mother told me. She was in a tent.
LRH: What did she say to you? Where is this located?
PC: It is in a nurse’s tent, where the nurses stay.
LRH: How does she say your father’s dead? How does she look?
PC: She looks very sad.
LRH: Let’s take a look. What does she say?
PC: “Your father passed away last night.”
LRH: Go over that again.
PC: “Your father passed away last night.”
LRH: Go over that again.
PC: “Your father passed away last night.”
LRH: Go over it again.
PC: “Your father passed away last night.”
LRH: Go over it again.
PC: “Your father passed away last night.” (crying)
LRH: How does she look when she is saying it?
PC: She is crying.
LRH: What else does she say?
PC: “We will have to be brave, won’t we?”
LRH: Go over that several times.
PC: (crying) “We will have to be brave, won’t we? We will have to be brave, won’t we? We will have to be brave, won’t we? We will have to be brave, won’t we?”
LRH: Go over that again.
PC: “We will have to be brave, won’t we?”
LRH: (The response here is very slow.) Look at her when she says that.
PC: “We will have to be brave, won’t we?”
LRH: Take a look at her again. How do you feel about it?
PC: I feel terrible. (wailing)
LRH: All right. Contact the beginning of this. What do you see?
PC: “I have something I wish I didn’t have to tell you.”
LRH: (That is why she is slow to reply.) Go over it again.
PC: (crying) “Your father passed away last night. Your father passed away last night. Your father passed away last night. Your father passed away last night. Your father passed away last night.”
LRH: How does she look as she says it?
PC: She looked sad and forlorn.
LRH: What did she say again?
PC: “I have something I wish I didn’t hare to tell you. Your father passed away last night. “
LRH: (She has been in this area for years.)
PC: (continues) “And I am afraid. I wish I didn’t hare to tell you. Your father passed away last evening.” (crying) No, no, no, no, no! I’m lonesome! I’m scared! (yelling) I am afraid!
LRH: What is she saying?
PC: “Sometimes God has to take people because he needs them up there.”
LRH: (Grief has to come — bouncer.) Go over it again.
PC: “Sometimes God has to take people because he needs them up there. Sometimes God has to take people because he needs them up there. Sometimes God has to take people because he needs them up there.”
LRH: (Grief has to come off in actual tears.) Go over it again.
PC: “Sometimes God has to take people because he needs them up there.”
LRH: (It is missing.) Let’s contact the beginning of this.
PC: I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach.
LRH: (Possibly this is fairly well off.) Just continue right on with this.
PC: She says, “I have something I wish I didn’t have to tell you. Your father passed away last night.”
LRH: Take a look at it.
PC: I said, “Why, Mama? Why, Mama? Why, Mama?” (crying)
LRH: (She is revivifying.) And what does she say to you?
PC: “Why does it have to be Daddy? Why, Mama! Why?” (crying)
LRH: Go over it again.
PC: “Sometimes God has to take people because he needs them up there.”
LRH: Go over it again.
PC: (repeats, screaming) “It is not fair! It is not fair!”
LRH: (She was bouncing off that one, so I have to take down its tension.) You can remember this. Let’s contact the beginning. (Maybe we can run this now all in one run. There is a holder here, and a call-back.)
PC: She seems very quiet.
LRH: Does she say “Come with me”?
PC: (pause)
LRH: All right. What is she saying?
PC: “I have something I wish I didn’t have to tell you. Your daddy passed away last evening.”
LRH: (We have hit a “don’t cry” and “control yourself” now. Emotion is flickering on and off.)
PC: It is not fair! I want my daddy!”
LRH: Let’s contact the beginning and roll from the beginning. Give me a yes or no: Does she say “Don’t cry”?
PC: Afterwards.
LRH: What does she say?
PC: “Don’t cry, honey. Mommy loves you.”
LRH: Go over it again.
PC: “Don’t cry, honey. Mommy loves you.”
LRH: Go over it again.
PC: “Don’t cry, honey. Mommy loves you.”
LRH: Go over it again.
PC: “Don’t cry, honey. Mommy loves you.”
LRH: (That is a holder — a grief engram with [1] denyer; [2] a holder . . .)
PC: (continues) “It is not fair! I want my daddy!”
LRH: Let’s go over that again. What does she say?
PC: “Don’t cry, honey. Mommy loves you. You still have me.”
LRH: Let’s go over that again.
PC: “Don’t cry, honey. Mommy loves you.” (cries)
LRH: (. . . [3] a call-back . . .)
PC: “You still have me.”
LRH: (A holder.) Let’s go over it again.
PC: (pause)
LRH: (. . . [4] a bouncer. We have these so far.) Does she say “Control yourself” anyplace? What did your mother say?
PC: (pause)
LRH: What might she say?
PC: “When you get older you will understand these things better.”
LRH: Does she say anything about “Restrain yourself” or “Calm down”?
PC: “Now we will try to be brave together, won’t we? Now we will try to be brave together, won’t we? “
LRH: Go over it again.
PC: “Now we will try to be brave together, won’t we?”
LRH: Let’s go over it from the beginning. (This engram has about everything an engram could have.)
PC: “Why, Mama, why? Why does it have to be our daddy ?”
LRH: Continue.
PC: Why, Mama, why? Why does it have to be our daddy?”
LRH: (It is not necessarily reduced yet.)
PC: “Sometimes God has to take good people away because he needs them up there.”
LRH: Can you see her standing there? Do you get an exteriorized view of yourself?
PC: (pause) Don’t seem to see me very well. I see her.
LRH: Could you possibly be in yourself? Can you see your hands?
PC: Yes, they are there.
LRH: Are they where your hands ought to be? Are you inside yourself?
PC: Surely.
LRH: (There might be another “control yourself”) All right. Let’s contact the beginning of it. (It is fairly well gone.) Are you still inside yourself?
PC: (pause) I seem to be outside of everything. It’s like looking at a picture.
LRH: (Outside herself. I am wrong.) What could be the bouncer? What else is said here? Repeat the word “forlorn.” (She used this word early.) Did your mother say it there?
PC: That is the way she looked.
LRH: Now, how do you feel about this engram?
PC: A somatic stopped.
LRH: Go back to the moment you got outside yourself, when I count from one to five. One-two three-four-five (snap!) — flash — what?
PC: “I wish I could get away from it all.”
LRH: Go over it again.
PC: “I wish I could get away from it all.”
LRH: Go over it again.
PC: “I wish I could get away from it all.”
LRH: Yourself saying it? Let’s go over it again.
PC: “I wish I could get away from it all. I wish I could get away from it all. I wish I could get away from it all. I wish I could get away from it all. I wish I could get away from it all.”
LRH: Yourself say it?
PC: (sighs)
LRH: Yes or no?
PC: No.
LRH: Who is saying it?
PC: (pause)
LRH: Is somebody else present? Yes or no. Flash answer: Is somebody else present?
PC: Not right then. I think somebody comes in and says, “Oh, I see you told her.”
LRH: (Some hate to have you snap your fingers. On these, don’t.) What did she say? Who says “I wish I could get away from it all”? Who says this?
PC: The nurse. “This is an awful way to earn a living. I wish I could get away from it all.”
LRH: (That is what’s the matter here: suddenly gets out of the picture.) How does she look?
PC: Disgusted. “The poor kid. She is taking it bad, isn’t she?”
LRH: (Sympathy.)
PC: It is not quite clear.
LRH: It will flash into your mind. One-two-three-four-five (snap!).
PC: When you get older, you will know what this is about, honey. “
LRH: (Possibly the missing control circuit. This engram may not be reduced.) Who tells you to stop crying? Does anybody tell you to stop crying?
PC: The nurse says, “But you might just as well not cry about it; it won’t do you any good. “
LRH: How do you feel about your father’s death?
PC: Not much feeling.
LRH: Does anybody say anything like “feeling cold and numb,” “shocked,” anything like that?
PC: “I don’t see how I can stand it, but I will get by somehow.”
LRH: Go over it again.
PC: “I don’t see how I can stand it, but I will get by somehow. I don’t see how I can stand it, but I will get by somehow.”
LRH: How does she look when she says this? (There is a lot of grief still here on this engram.)
PC: Poor Mama! I al take care of you!” (crying)
LRH: How do you feel about this?
PC: Ooooooh! (crying)
LRH: (It is possible to touch a grief engram or a lock and leave them without much harm. But never touch a physical pain engram unless you reduce it.)
PC: (continues) “When I get lots of money I’ll take care of you.”
LRH: All right. Lets go to a time you are enjoying yourself.
PC: I am roller-skating with my husband. A graceful waltz.
LRH: All right. How does it feel?
PC: It is hard to describe. Wooden rollers on a hardwood floor.
LRH: (We have gotten a major charge off this death .) You see your husband?
PC: It is warm weather. My husband is smiling at me. “We made it, didn’t we? We finally did a waltz halfway decently.”
LRH: What is your emotion?
PC: I feel light as a feather. Very happy.
LRH: (Pleasure to drop off somatics, tears, etc. Further, it assembles attention units so they can come easily to present time.) All right. Let’s come to present time. Are you in present time?
PC: Yes.
LRH: How old are you?
PC: Thirty-eight.
LRH: What is your age?
PC: Thirty-eight.
LRH: How do you feel in present time?
PC: A bit woozy.
LRH: Do you remember this happening back there?
PC: You mean moving through it, or actually remembering it?
LRH: (This helps boot her all the way to present time.) Do you remember your father’s death?
PC: Yes, we were struggling through it.
LRH: Naturally you remember it, don’t you? Canceled. Five-four-three-two-one (snap!).
PC: That did it!
LRH: Okay.
It is a pleasure to work a case that moves and contacts things. When she was out of the engram and out of valence, her feet stopped wiggling. Every preclear’s feet wiggle in engrams. When you get them near a grief charge and start running it, if they have control circuits they may say they don’t feel bad, but watch for a shift. Lots of hard breathing means heavy charge; the heavier the breathing, the heavier the grief charge.
If the preclear is bouncing, get the preclear to repeat the phrases. Her pain shut off and on. She was bouncing out of the engram. She couldn’t leave it very far. Something said, “Come back,” and “Get away,” and she was running just parallel to it. It was a bouncer-call-back combination and when you get one of those, run it.
With a large amount of grief the person is automatically exteriorized; however, what they can’t talk about earlier, you can pick up when some of the charge is taken off. When you get up to a good release, all you have ever heard is yours again. This is the one thing that gives the auditor hope. So don’t despair!