The original procedure developed by Man to oil the machinery of human relationships was “Good Manners.”

Various other terms that describe this procedure are politeness, decorum, formality, etiquette, form, courtesy, refinement, polish, culture, civility, courtliness and respect.

Even the most primitive cultures had highly developed rituals of human relationship. In studying twenty-one different primitive races, which I did firsthand, I was continually impressed with the formalities which attended their interpersonal and intertribal and interracial relationships.

Throughout all races, “bad manners” are condemned.

Those with “bad manners” are REJECTED.

Thus the primary technology of public relations was “manners.”

Therefore, a public relations man or team that has not drilled and mastered the manners accepted as “good manners” by those being contacted will fail. Such a PR man or team may know all the senior PR tech and yet fail miserably on the sole basis of “exhibiting bad manners.”

“Good manners” sum up to (a) granting importance to the other person and (b) using the two-way communication cycle (as in Dianetics 55!). Whatever motions or rituals are, these two factors are involved. Thus a PR violating them will find himself and his program rejected.

Arrogance and force may win dominion and control but will never win acceptance and respect.

For all his “mental technology” the psychiatrist or psychologist could never win applause or general goodwill because they are personally (a) arrogant beyond belief (b) hold others in scathing contempt (“Man is an animal,” “people are all insane,” etc.). Born from Bismarck’s military attitude, these subjects have borrowed as well the attitude which made the Nazis an object of worldwide condemnation. No matter how many people were maimed or killed, the Nazis would never have dominated the world any more than their “mental scientists” will ever win over humanity.

They just don’t have “good manners”; i.e., they do not (a) consider or give others a feeling of importance and (b) they are total strangers to a comm cycle.

All successful PR, then, is built upon the bedrock of good manners, as these are the first technology developed to ease human relations.

Good manners are much more widely known and respected than PR tech. Therefore NO PR tech will be successful if this element is omitted.

Brushing off “mere guards” as beneath one’s notice while one goes after a contact with their boss can be fatal. Who talks to their boss? These “mere guards.”

Making an appointment and not keeping it, issuing an invitation too late for it to be accepted, not offering food or a drink, not standing up when a lady or important man enters, treating one’s subordinates like lackeys in public, raising one’s voice harshly in public, interrupting what someone else is saying to “do something important,” not saying thank you or good night — these are all “bad manners.” People who do these or a thousand other discourtesies are mentally rejected by those with whom they come into contact.

As PR is basically acceptance then bad manners defeat it utterly.

A successful PR person has to have good manners.

This is not hard. One has to assess his attitude toward others and iron it out. Are they individually important? One has to have his two-way comm cycle perfect, so perfect it is so natural that it is never noticed.

Given those two things, a PR can now learn the bits of ritual that go to make up the procedure that is considered “good manners” in the group with which he is associating.

Then given PR tech correctly used, one has successful PR.

You have no idea how important people are. There is a reversed ratio — those at the bottom have a self-importance far greater than those at the top who are important. A charlady’s concept of her own importance is far greater than that of a successful general manager!

Ignore people at your peril.

Flattery is not very useful, is often suspect, as it does not come from a sincere belief and the falsity in it is detectable to all but a fool.

A person’s importance is made evident to him by showing him respect, or just by assuring him he is visible and acceptable.

To see and acknowledge the existence of someone is a granting of their importance.

To know their name and their connections also establishes importance.

Asserting one’s own importance is about as acceptable as a dead cat at a wedding.

People have value and are important. Big or small they are important.

If you know that, you are halfway home with good manners.

Thus PR can occur.

The two-way comm cycle is more important than the content.

The content of the comm, the meaning to be put across to another or others, is secondary to the fact of a two-way comm cycle.

Comm exists to be replied to or used.

Comm with the comm cycle being in first must exist before it carries any message.

Messages do not travel on no line.

Advertising is always violating this. Buy Beanos! Into the empty air. Other things must establish the line. And the line must be such as to obtain an answer, either by use or purchase or reply.

A funny example was a letter writer who without preamble or reason told people to buy a multi-thousand dollar package without even an explanation of its use or value. Response zero. No comm line. He was writing to a name but not really to anyone.

In social intercourse a comm cycle must be established before any acceptance of the speaker can occur. Then one might get across a message.

Good manners require a two-way comm cycle. This is even true of social letters and phone calls.

Out of this one gets “telling the hostess good night as one leaves.”

One really has to understand the two-way comm cycle to have really good manners.

Without a two-way comm cycle, PR is pretty poor stuff.

If an American Indian’s ritual of conference was so exact and complex, if a thousand other primitive races had precise social conduct and forms of address, then it is not too much to ask modern man to have good manners as well.

But “good manners” are less apparent in our times than they once were. This comes about because the intermingling of so many races and customs has tended to destroy the ritual patterns once well-established in the smaller units.

So one appears to behold a sloppy age of manners.

This is no excuse to have bad manners.

One can have excellent manners by just observing

a. Importance of people

b. Two-way comm cycle

c. Local rituals observed as proper conduct.

These are the first musts of a PR man or woman.

On that foundation can be built an acceptable PR presence that makes PR succeed.

[Note: Paragraph 4 under the “Communication” section which formerly read “Comm without the comm cycle being in first must exist before it carries any message” has been corrected to read “Comm with the comm cycle being in first must exist before it carries any message.”]